Lucy's Novel
by Yuniz
Summary: Lucy has finally finished her novel. Natsu wants to read it, but Lucy refuses to let him for her own reasons. A couple pairings sprinkled in here and there. Crack.
1. It Is Finished

It was a sunny day in Magnolia, but instead of being outside, Lucy Heartphilia was sitting at her desk. In front of her were a pen and piece of paper. She carefully wrote a final sentence, then set it on the side to dry, sighing with pleasure.

"I'm done," Lucy said to herself. "Even though it's only a first draft and a crappy one at that, but I've done it. I've written a novel,"

Plue watched from the side, nodding in approval. "Puun,"

Lucy leaned back in her chair and smiled. She closed her eyes and began to daydream.

-Begin Daydream-

"Lucy, I've permanently cured my motion sickness!" Natsu whooped as he did the macarena on a cruise ship. The members of Fairy Tail cheered.

Erza was on the same cruise ship. "Attention everyone, I will going on vacation for a year, so be sure to behave yourselves at the guild," She suddenly grabbed Natsu and gave him a noogie. "You and I will have a lot of fun,"

"...NOOOOOOOO~!" wailed Natsu, trying to jump off the ship.

On shore, a fully dressed Gray turned to Lucy. "Lucy, because I no longer strip in random places, I have saved quite a bit of money from not having to buy new clothes, and I want to give that money to you,"

"Really? Thank you!" Lucy hugged him. Lluvia smiled awkwardly.

Makarov appeared before Lucy. "Lucy, I've decided that you are worthy enough to pursue the awesomeness that is a S-Class Quest,"

"Would you like to spend the night with me?" Loki had arrived from the Celestial Spirit world. "We could make some magic,"

"I want to be just like you!" squealed Edo-Lucy.

Everyone began to praise Lucy, and tonight, it was truly an evening of pure magic.

-End Daydream-

"...LUCY~!" Natsu yelled right into her ear.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHH~!" Lucy realized a second too late that she had still been leaning back in her chair. The two legs on the floor wobbled, and the entire thing came crashing down to the floor. She started to see stars.

"Look Lucy, it's the Star Fish!" Happy waved a fish decorated with a star motif in front of Lucy's face.

"Idiot cat!" Lucy pushed away Happy and his fish. Her vision was blurry from the head trauma, but she could see a pink haired figure reaching onto her desk and picking up a stack of papers...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!" With a majestic leap, Lucy dove for her novel. It was yanked out of Natsu's grasp immediately.

The dragon slayer was not pleased. "You've been working on that for a year now, I want to read it!"

"I won't let you!"

"Why not?"

"Because!" With that comeback, Lucy ran out with her novel, leaving behind an incredulous Natsu and Happy.

Natsu scratched his head. "Happy, we're going to read that whether she likes it or not!"

"Aye!" Happy replied enthusiastically.

* * *

Levi squealed to herself as she read the story. "Lu-chan, it's great! You could definitely get this published!"

Lucy blushed. "Oh, it's not that good,"

Suddenly, Gray Fullbuster burst onto the scene in all his naked glory. "Is that Lucy's novel? I want to read it!"

"It'll only take me another minute," Levi waved Gray away, her glasses allowing her to read very fast.

"You can't read it!" Lucy planted her palms onto Gray's chest and tried to use brute force to push him away.

"Ugh...arg...gack...read...story..." choked out Gray as Lucy moved her hands into a solid grip on his throat.

Erza looked up from her magazine. "Gray, were you being mean to Lucy?"

"Me...mean...?" Gray rasped. "I'm...choking..."

"And put on some clothes!" With unnatural speed, Erza was at Gray's side, and was holding a knife to his throat. Lucy quickly stepped back from Gray, and Erza took the opportunity to advance even closer onto the ice mage.

"I have clothes, they're right here,"

They watched Gray dress shakily. Erza nodded in satisfaction.

Meanwhile, Levi sighed happily. "It's the best novel I ever read,"

"Ah, you flatter me too much," Lucy took the story from Levi's outstretched hands.

The doors to the guild flew open. Natsu and Happy entered, scanning the premises for Lucy.

"THERE SHE IS!"

"FIRE DRAGON'S ROAR~!" Natsu's eyes became maniacal and evil as he breathed a ball of fire at Lucy. She immediately turned to ashes. "I WIN!"

"...Natsu, why is Lucy made of cotton balls?"

"Huh?" The fire mage looked over at Happy, who was pulling blackened bits of cotton from an open seam in the...Lucy doll?

Everyone in the guild watched the incident, marveling at Natsu's stupidity.

"...how dare they mock my genius!" exclaimed Natsu. "The likes of a doll cannot fool me!"

Happy had produced a fish and was now nomming away at it. "I think it just did,"

"I will find Lucy!" proclaimed Natsu, ignoring Happy's statement. "I will find her, and I will make her give me the novel to read! Now, off to the second floor!"

"But if you killed Lucy, how would you have gotten to read it?" were the last of Happy's words that everyone else heard.

Lucy poked her head out from behind the bar. "Thanks, Mirajane, for hiding me,"

Mirajane smiled. "No problem,"

* * *

AN: This is my first Fairy Tail fanfic...read & enjoy. I don't know if Natsu or Gray will get to read this novel of Lucy's...we will see.


	2. Pink Feather Boa

Lucy slowly got out from under the bar. She sat down at a table and began to aimlessly flip through the pages of her novel.

"LUCY~!"

"GRAY?" Lucy turned around and her eyes were nearly burnt to a crisp, what with the full frontal Gray had provided her. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHH~!"

"PUT ON YOUR UNDERWEAR!" yelled Erza, throwing a chair that hit Gray in the head. It bounced off him, leaving a swollen purple bump.

"Underwear is troublesome," Gray put on his underwear anyways, then returned his attention to Lucy. "Can I read your novel now?"

"No,"

Gray looked crestfallen, then furious, then depressed, all in the course of ten seconds. "But I already started it and I want to finish reading it,"

"That's your problem,"

There was a brief silence. "If you let me read your novel, I'll pay your rent for the month,"

"Really?" Lucy began to fantasize about the possibility of having her rent on time for the month. It would be an event of momentous importance. There would be a parade in the streets of Magnolia, and no one would be allowed to make fun of her. Lucy's dream slowly escalated to the point that she was imagining the entire country renamed after her and with ultimate power over all Celestial Spirits. Yes, it would be a fine thing to pay the rent.

"Really," The goose egg on his head began to steadily grow to unnatural proportions.

With reluctance, Lucy handed over her novel. Gray pounced onto it like a pedophile onto a small child.

"I won't take up too much of your time," He assured her.

-One Hour Later-

Lucy was pretending to pick out a job from the request board while sneaking looks at Gray. It seemed that he was nowhere near finished. She sighed and walked up to him.

"Where are your clothes?"

"My clothes?" There were none, at least not on his body.

"IF YOU STRIP ANY MORE I'LL SEW THE CLOTHES ONTO YOUR BODY!" Erza screamed, throwing a hot frying pan at Gray. It hit him in the stomach.

"SHIT!" Using his ice magic, Gray soothed the burn. He took his clothes that were folded in a neat bundle and put them on his body.

Lucy allowed herself a meaningful glance at her novel. "Anyways, are you done with it?"

"Done with what?"

"My novel!"

Gray fiddled with a corner of the page he was currently reading. "It's kind of confusing...I might need a little more time,"

-Two Hours Later-

The guild was relatively quiet. Lucy was examining the request board.

"I'm going to take a job, so if you finish reading before I return, hold on to the novel and don't give it to anyone, especially not Natsu,"

"Okay, okay," When it seemed that Lucy wasn't looking, Gray tried to sneak a couple random pages down his boxers. But his plan failed. Erza had seen him.

"DON'T STICK OTHER PEOPLE'S THINGS IN YOUR CROTCH!" She threw sharp pointy objects at Gray, whom somehow managed to dodge them.

Lucy, rather exasperated, left to do her job.

* * *

Meanwhile, Natsu and Happy were strolling the streets of Magnolia in order to find a worthy opponent.

"I'm hungry," said Natsu out of the blue. "I want to eat the crisp pages of Lucy's novel,"

The blue cat let out a small gasp. "But don't you want to read it, not eat it?"

"Same difference," They turned a corner and saw none other than Luxus leaving a shop. He was holding a pink feather boa.

"...LUXUS~!" Natsu screamed at the top of his breath. "MAY I SEE YOUR PINK FEATHER BOA?"

Luxus turned to look at who was addressing him. He jumped and ran off to a location safe from Natsu. But apparently, it wasn't safe enough, for the dragon slayer found him in 32 seconds, tops.

"Don't tell Gramps about this!" He snarled, holding the pink feather boa so tightly that his knuckles were white. "You can't say anything to anyone, got it?"

Natsu smirked. This was an excellent blackmail opportunity. "I won't tell anyone if you fight me,"

"Sounds good," Luxus carefully tied the pink feather boa around his neck, then stood and waited for Natsu to charge at him...sure enough, he did.

"AAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEERGAHA!" roared Natsu, armed with hands of fire and running towards Luxus. Luxus responded with his magic, and thus the battle began. Happy watched from the side, nomming on a fish he had stolen from a hapless fisherman.

"Hey, get back here, cat!" The fisherman had yelled after him.

"Aye!" Happy had responded.

But right now, it wasn't looking good for Natsu. Luxus was clearly the stronger one. It seemed as if all hope were lost for Natsu...

"Natsu!"

Caught off guard, Luxus stopped attacking Natsu and turned to see Lucy Heartphilia. "You!" He exclaimed, stunned. Natsu took the opportunity to sucker punch Luxus, and thus the tables turned.

Lucy walked up to them. "Natsu, why does Luxus have a pink feather boa?"

The mages looked down at the unconscious man. "I forgot to ask him," admitted Natsu. He turned to Lucy and frowned. "When can I read your novel?"

"Never. I'm off to a job right now anyways," Lucy was about to leave, but Natsu had grabbed onto her arm.

"We're a team, we do jobs together,"

"Aye!"

"But what about Gray?"

"Screw him,"

Lucy reluctantly agreed, and the three headed down the street.

_Yes! _thought Natsu. _Soon enough I'll have Lucy's trust, then I will be able to read her novel...MUAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHA!_

"Is something wrong? Your face is really funny,"

Natsu resumed his normal, calm expression. "Nothing's wrong...nothing at all."

* * *

AN: From the point I mentioned "pink feather boa" onwards, this story became pure crack. Yay!


	3. Fairy Candy Company

"So, what's the job?" Natsu asked Lucy.

"We're making candy, in a candy factory,"

"Candy? What a sissy request," Lucy punched him and continued walking along with Happy. Natsu quickly caught up to them. "What's the reward?"

"50,000 jewels and one minute alone with the adjacent candy store,"

Team Natsu minus Gray made it to a dilapidated brick building. There was a sign above the door that read FAIRY CANDY CO.

"Does the master know about this?" Natsu muttered to himself, following Lucy. "I mean, they ARE besmirching our name,"

Happy gasped. "So big!" Lucy and Natsu looked at where Happy was pointing at, and also gasped. The huge iron machines reached up to a seemingly sky scraping ceiling. All of them were working away, mixing, boiling, cooling, and packaging the candy.

"If they don't have any fire candy I'm out of here," Natsu turned to leave, but the door had disappeared.

"Isn't someone supposed to tell us what to do?" Lucy thought aloud.

"Is there fish candy?" Happy wondered.

"...kukuku,"

The mages and cat turned to the source of the pedophile-like cackling. Natsu narrowed his eyes. "I knew you would betray us someday, scrap metal bastard,"

"What? Huh?" sputtered Lucy. "What's happening? Is this a trap?"

Gajeel smirked, jumping down from the rafters and landing safely. "Foolish fairies. I am here to kill you two meddlers and take Levi as my wife," He advanced onto a shocked Happy and gave him a tight hug. As he did so, the brains of multiple fanfiction writers imploded from the mere thought of GajeelxHappy.

"...are you blind?" Lucy exclaimed. "Do you really think we're Shadow Gear?"

Natsu frowned. His fellow dragon slayer had surely gone senile. First posting a job related to candy, then mistaking Happy for a human girl...Gajeel had surely reached his lowest point.

"This means war,"

Gajeel turned to Natsu and kukuku-ed some more. "Well, Droy, I must say you look very ugly today. Did you think you could ever win Levi's heart on looks alone?" His gaze shifted to Lucy. "And Jet, you're slower than a fairy stuck in mud. Levi would never want to be with the likes of you,"

"YAAAA~!" Natsu roared, charging towards Gajeel. They proceeded to have an all-out battle, the true meaning of epicness.

"Go Natsu!" Happy cheered, waving a little Natsu flag about in the air.

Gajeel grabbed a nearby piece of machinery and crammed it into his mouth, chewing noisily and messily. Lucy looked at him and almost threw up. "Don't you know how to eat properly?"

"You're in no position to lecture me, Jet!" Gajeel yelled, a maniacal grin on his face. "Now, come at me, Droy, with all your fury and might! I can take it!"

Natsu helped himself to the fire in the candy cooking ovens. "Bring it on!"

And thus, the battle commenced.

"Don't worry, Levi!" Gajeel shouted during a particularly rambunctious bout of combat. "You'll be safe in my arms after all this ugly business is over! Perhaps you should go back to the guild and wait for me!"

Happy shuddered as he realized that Gajeel was looking right into his eyes. "Um…thanks, but no thanks,"

Lucy stood on the side and watched them fight. With the plentiful resources of fire and metal there, it looked like the battle wouldn't be ending any time soon...until...

"LUU-CHAN~!"

The real Shadow Gear burst onto the scene, Levi leading the way. Gajeel and Natsu abruptly stopped their fighting to gawk at the intruders.

"Gray finished reading, and he wanted me to give you this," said Levi, handing Lucy her novel and a bag of jewels. Lucy immediately took the opportunity to count every single jewel, and sure enough, there were 70,000 in the bag.

"He kept his word," Lucy sighed to herself, thinking about how chivalrous Gray's behavior was. She made a mental note to try and have more acceptance of his stripping habit.

"No, actually Erza forced him to follow through," replied Levi.

Gajeel continued staring at the real Levi. "You..."

"Huh?" She shuddered at the voice and forced herself to look at him.

"WHO ARE YOU?" Gajeel screamed, pointing a shaking finger at her. "WHY ARE YOU IMPERSONATING LEVI? I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T THAT DESPERATE, HAPPY!"

"AND YOU!" He screamed, turning onto Jet and Droy. "LUCY, NATSU, WHY ARE YOU INTERFERING?" THIS WAS MY CHANCE TO WIN LEVI'S HEART, AND WITH YOU PEOPLE AROUND I'LL NEVER HAVE THE CHANCE TO LOVE AGAIN!"

Team Natsu and Team Shadow Gear exchanged awkward glances.

"Gray got to read your novel!" Natsu exclaimed, breaking the silence. "No fair! Why can't I?"

"Um...explain this to us," said Jet, vaguely wondering how he resembled Lucy in any way.

So Lucy explained the current situation to them. She, Natsu, and Happy had taken a job as workers in a candy factory, but it turned out that Gajeel was behind it, and he had no intention to pay them, instead elope with Levi, but apparently Gajeel had mistaken Happy for Levi and Natsu and herself for the other two members of Shadow Gear. Natsu and Gajeel had begun battle, the real Team Shadow Gear had arrived, and now here they were in this mess.

"Hmm...there is only one solution for this," said Levi.

"What?" Jet and Droy replied excitedly.

"REHAB!" Using their combined strength, they picked up Gajeel and threw him to the doorstep of a rehabilitation center. He was admitted instantly.

"Hip hip hooray!" Droy and Jet cheered, shaking pom poms in the air.

Lucy suddenly realized something. Her novel was no longer in her hands. That could only mean one thing...

"NATSU~!" She lunged at him for what seemed like the millionth time and grabbed her property from Natsu's greedy hands.

"Not again!" He complained. "I was just getting to a good part!"

"Too bad, so sad," They headed back to the guild, making fun of Gajeel the entire way there.

* * *

AN: I think my brain partially imploded from writing one sided GajeelxHappy. Oh well.


	4. Grief And Despair

"Hey Lucy, look over there!"

"Huh?" Lucy turned to see what Natsu was pointing at. All that was there was a boarded up strip club.

"Never mind," They continued walking back to the guild.

"I never knew that Gajeel had a thing for Happy," Levi mused. Jet and Droy exchanged nervous glances, unsure of whether to tell her the truth or not.

"Well, he thought that Happy was you..." Jet purposely let his voice trail off.

Levi laughed. "That's ridiculous! Happy and I don't look alike, right?"

"Aye!"

"He must have just been confused," Levi concluded, an aura of innocence emanating from her. Slightly befuddled, Jet and Droy decided to just accept her odd logic.

Lucy had been watching this conversation, and she now realized that Natsu was nowhere to be found. "Where's Natsu?"

Happy gasped. "Natsu's missing!" He flew up high in the sky and scanned the landscape below, trying to pinpoint a head of pink hair. However, there was none.

"This is bad!" Lucy began to freak out. "If Natsu is missing there's no telling what will happen to life as we know it,"

"Aye!" Happy started to have a nervous breakdown.

Shadow Gear watched Lucy and Happy as the cold reality of the situation sunk in.

"...FAIRY TAIL IS DOOMED!" wailed Levi.

"LESSER GUILDS WILL TAKE US DOWN!" sobbed Jet.

"WITHOUT A SINGLE DRAGON SLAYER, HOW WILL WE REMAIN THE AWESOMEST GUILD IN ALL THE LAND?" shrieked Droy.

Out of nowhere, Wendy appeared with Charle. She slapped Droy. "I'm a dragon slayer too!"

Droy stopped his shrieking to look down at Wendy. "You're too short to count," Instantly, the wrath of Charle advanced onto him.

"NO ONE INSULTS WENDY," said the wrath.

Wendy didn't seem to care if Charle's wrath avenged her or not. She looked over at Happy. "Where's Natsu?"

"He's missing," Happy's nervous breakdown had escalated to the point that he was eating dragon dung and singing cheesy love songs to himself. Wendy watched him croon some particularly gushy lyrics. She began to have her own nervous breakdown.

Makarov was taking his customary afternoon stroll when he came across this strange scene. "All of you are mages of Fairy Tail, do not cry like babies,"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Lucy fell to the earth, her grief weighing her down. "WE HAVE NO MORE DRAGON SLAYERS,"

The guild master remained calm. "But Wendy's right here,"

"She doesn't count," explained Droy, wearing a serious expression. "She's too short," That earned him an extra dose of Charle wrath.

"Gajeel? I haven't seen him around for a while, but he's remained loyal to us, right?"

Jet blubbered loudly. "We sent him to rehab,"

"Rehab?" The word was unfamiliar to Makarov, but he pressed on. "What about Natsu?"

"HE'S DEAD!" Levi wailed some more.

"AYE!" cried Happy.

Wendy abruptly stopped her nervous breakdown. "Natsu is dead? I thought you said he was missing,"

"Same difference," said Droy.

The young girl's eyes began to well up with tears. "Natsu...dead...NO!" Charle had stopped unleashing her wrath, and was now offering Wendy a handkerchief. Wendy took it and blew her snot in it in a rather unladylike manner. "NATSU AND I...WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MARRY!" Her nervous breakdown became ten times worse.

"Marriage?" Makarov shook his head and watched the mourners in front of him. He began to realize how dire this situation was. "...NOOOOOOOOOOOO~!" He began to have a late life crisis. (as opposed to a mid life crisis.)

Alzack and Visca had been walking together when they saw their fellow mages writhing in agony from a distance.

"Should we help them?" Visca asked Alzack, mentally debating the pros and cons of doing so, and how it would affect her relationship with him.

"Um...ah...probably," replied Alzack. He instantly regretted it. This act of goodwill and compassion would set back his grand and elaborate plan of getting into Visca's pants. Nevertheless, they rushed to the scene.

-One minute later-

"VISCA!" Alzack cried, sprinkling ashes on himself. "THE WORLD IS ENDING, AND YET I NEVER MANAGED TO CONFESS MY LOVE TO YOU!"

Visca was feeling equally miserable. "ALZACK!" She wailed to the heavens. "MY DARLING, I AM GUILTY OF THE SAME SIN! WHY DID WE NOT TAKE THE CHANCE WHEN WE WERE STILL YOUNG AND CAREFREE?"

"I HAVE NOT A CLUE!" Alzack and Visca held each other tightly and wept into each others arms.

Elfman and Mirajane happened to pass by. Elfman scoffed at the sight of Jet, Droy, Alzack, and Makarov bawling away. "You're not manly enough,"

"WE CAN EXPLAIN~!"

-Some time later-

"WWWHHHYYY~!" Elfman bellowed to the heavens. "SUCH TRAGEDY IN THE FACE OF SUCH MANLY MEN, WHY, IT IS NOT MANLY AT ALL! THE WORLD IS ENDING!"

Mirajane wiped a stray tear from her eye. "Shall we look into buying a tombstone?"

"What tombstone?" Macau had arrived with Romeo in tow. "Who died?" Romeo looked up from his toy robot, his young mind alarmed at the concept of death. Mirajane explained the situation to the two.

"...WWAAAAAAAAHHH~!"

"Calm down, Romeo!" But Macau wasn't going by his own words. After all, he was shuddering so violently that it looked as if he would burst out in sobs at any given moment.

And so it was. Each member of Fairy Tail just happened to turn up, and when Mirajane explained how it was, they would be reduced to a crying, helpless, despondent excuse of a mage. In fact, when Gray and Juvia had showed up, Juvia had nearly flooded the premises. This unproductive activity went on and on for some time, until the last remaining mage of Fairy Tail arrived.

"...why's everyone crying?"

The whole of Fairy Tail looked up, still sniffling, to see who was addressing them.

"...NATSU!" Happy cried in joy. Everyone else ran to him and glomped him like rabid fangirls, also crying in joy. It took a good hour for Natsu to fend all of them off, and for him to catch his breath after it had been knocked out of him.

"I just went off to a cafe to read Lucy's novel," explained Natsu. "I finished it just now, and I wanted to return it to her,"

Lucy blushed slightly. It had been partly her fault that this entire fiasco had happened. "Hey, how did you get my novel?"

"I distracted you earlier, and just grabbed it out of your hand," He passed the pages to Lucy, who looked down disdainfully at the crumpled pages and coffee stained corners. "After all that fuss, I thought it would turn out to be a pretty good read, but man, that was freaking boring! Sure, the beginning was solid, and the middle was fun, but the ending left too many loose threads, and the characters were weak. I would give this book three - no, two stars,"

"Two stars?" Lucy realized what that meant. "YOU THINK I FAIL AS AN WRITER, HUH?" She pulled out her keys. "THIS MEANS WAR!"

"AS YOU WISH!" Natsu armed himself with fire and charged at Lucy. The other Fairy Tail mages looked on, betting on the outcome and doing a play by play commentary. Finally, all was well in Magnolia.

* * *

AN: This story was fun to write. I might write more Fairy Tail fanfics in the future. And yes, Gajeel is still in rehab. XD


End file.
